AMANDALA!

So I've realized how much I really miss getting out and doing photography lately.  I'm funny about my photography, like so many people are about their art, and I love to do it but am so hesitant to share it.  Or when I am not hesitant to share it, I'm so hesitant to take any kind of money or payment for my work.  For me, once a person gives me money my joy, passion, hobby then turns into work, pressure, chance of failure.   Anyway, the whole reason I'm writing this is because my friend, Karlie came up with this awesome photography project idea to do with my cousin and I.  It's 30 weeks (because I just couldn't do one a day) of photography project assignments.  I love this!  It gets me thinking creatively, it gives me a reason to go out and do it, it gives me the joy in sharing what I love!  So we're off to be inspired and creative!

That seemed like the end right?  Wrong.   The cousin who will be doing this with me is Amanda.  Amanda, is having a birthday this week.  So now we will talk about her.

Amanda is not your typical cousin.  See, Amanda and I grew up a little more like sisters.  We grew up across the street from each other and saw each other EVERY day.  For most little girl cousins this would be a dream come true.  Once we started having stuff in common it was!  It was a little iffy there in the beginning when Amanda wanted to play Barbies and I was popping their heads off... Nichelle and her can share in their supposed "trauma" of ruined dolls, but I digress... we did everything together.  We rode bikes, we had secret codes, stories, adventures... we got to share in the world of imagination all growing up, and it was awesome.  The stories the Horner cousins get to share are hilarious and numerous and usually ridiculous.  The story Amanda tells the most is when I decided on May day to roam around the neighborhood, knocking on peoples doors and wishing them a happy May Day!  I was such a nice kid.  The problem with this plan that Amanda saw was that one, we were handing the neighbors flowers that I picked from their own yards, and two, we didn't tell our parents and were getting further and further from home.  I assured her we were fine and when our parents pulled up in the car screaming/yelling and so forth I was quick to admit my wrong.  I apologized with a paper towel full of chocolate chips.  To this day, I think Amanda still expects chocolate chips on May day. 

The story I prefer about Amanda is when we were riding bikes and I crashed face first into a tree.  I made my lip bleed and was obviously too traumatized to push my bike home, so Amanda pushed both of our bikes home while I walked myself crying the whole way.  The reason I prefer this story is because to this day, Amanda does whatever it takes, even if that means taking twice the load if necessary to do what she can for those she loves.  It's almost ridiculous how much she is ALWAYS thinking of others.... but mostly inspiring. 

So Happy Birthday Amanda, I love you, and thanks for pushing my bike when I crashed after turning around to stick my tongue out at you.  That was pretty great. 

  

"momish"

A few weeks ago I had a day where I just felt like I could conquer the world.  I made baby food, I cleaned the whole house, I exercised, I organized, I read and played with my baby, gave her a bath, and at the end of the day I was trying to describe how I felt to my husband and the only adequate word I could come up with was "momish".   Although I am obviously a "mom" there are very few days that I feel very good at the role.  When I get home from work I might be to tired to wash the bottles.  Or maybe that night I put her to bed and didn't read her her usual story.  Silly Things really, but most days I'm just figuring out how to do this whole mom/wife/working woman thing.   So on those rare days that I am on top of the game or feeling rather clever, "momish" is the word.  I like those days, or even those moments.  I've even said to my friend Stephanie when are kids were playing together, "we're so momish!".
However, I have not been very momish lately.  For example, (and I can't believe I'm admitting this to the general public) last week I dropped my kid off the changing table.   Well, I didn't actually "drop" her, but I realized I didn't have her socks, I turned around to grab them and was like, "oh wait, my kid is on the changing table..." I turned back around to watch her fall face first onto the hard wood floor.  My husband came in to us both crying, we were a mess.  I was a mess anyway, Vi was fine within 5 minutes while I spent the rest of the day with a stomach ache and feeling like a terrible mom.   Not leaving a child on a changing table is basic mom training 101.  Or as my compassionate cousin Amanda said, Basic Babysitting 101.  (thanks again for your encouragement Amanda).   Not a momish day.
She also has been sick lately, even though there's nothing I can do about it, I still feel terrible about it!  She is doing much better now but when she was still pretty sick I kept finding myself apologizing to her for her not feeling well.  Even after we took her to the doctor and I could do something about it by giving her breathing treatments, she hated to sit through them so I still felt terrible for "torturing" my child with the mask. 

Vi being "tortured" by her mask

I am starting to realize no matter how much I try, I'm going to have good days, and then I'm going to have terrible days.  I have to stop living in fear of those terrible days, because in the end, a bad day isn't going to ruin my childs life or permanently scar her.  (Although on that  day she fell, my also super encouraging sister told me that when Vi came home with a low grade she'd tell her it was because her mom dropped her on her head as a baby...so thanks again for your encouragement Nichelle)   I love my child, and I do everything I can to provide, love, and care for her and my family...that much I can say with confidence.  

Feeling momish on the days she is super cute and happy, and not sick.

To my fellow mom's out there, you're doing great! Way to be super momish!  To those who are not mom's... be slow to judge, you have no idea what you'll really do as a parent until you are one.  One of the kindest things one of my best friends ever said to me was complimenting me on my parenting, on the other hand, if someone were to question my parenting it would probably crush me.  So encourage one another!  It's a good practice that God tells us to do, and really it makes all the difference in the world.