Finding Strength and tasting good things

Right now I am sitting here eating the most amazing snack I have come up with in a long time.
Say 'Hello' to my friend Annie and Joe.  Joe is Trader Joe's Nutella type spread, and Annie is the delicious little graham bunnies that I am dipping in said spread.  I may or may not have stolen the grahams from Vi, but she doesn't need to know.

If you get a chance, taste this, I promise you won't be disappointed. 

I am eating this deliciousness and writing this blog while trying to ignore a bunch of stuff that's going on in my mind today.  You see, we've heard some rather glum news this week, and it's the kind of thing that  my mind and heart don't quite know how to process. Mostly because there's been a little tug-of-war type thing going on in my head.  There's this spiritual part of me that hears this cry to war, to stand up and fight, to stand and truth and speak life and power!  Then there's this part of me that I will call my weakness (flesh) that keeps whispering that I don't have the strength that is needed in this situation, it's too confusing.  Fortunately it's just been a whisper, and for the most part I've been able to catch it and say, "no! that's a lie!"   Then today I read this:

This is exactly what I needed, God always is so good at delivering exactly what I need, which today was to remember to experience and enjoy His goodness.   His goodness in the little and big things.  His goodness in my amazing family, His goodness in things that make me smile, His goodness in His constant love and confidence in me.
There's so much I have focused on with the fires, and sickness, and doubt... and now I am instead focused on goodness.  So here is what I have found to be goodness today:

This 3 year old came to school today and was SO proud of her socks and sandals, she smiled really big and kept saying "look!" but she didn't really care what anyone actually thought, SHE was thrilled with her sock and sandals...and that's all that mattered.  I admired her confidence and security...and her fashion of course.

For art today the kids got to dip sponges in paint and then throw them down on the paper.  I don't like being involved with the kids art...but once I saw them throwing that sponge down and the paint splatter all over, I have to admit, it was hard for me not to push them off the stool and say "my turn!", it was so great to watch their expressions as they got to make a mess and art all at the same time.

After work today I used the rest of my Starbucks gift card and got another Mocha Cookie Crumble Frap... and I it's just SO. GOOD.   Really, that's all there is to that one.

Art.   Friends' art is even better.  To me, being able to come home and be surrounded by art (this is one little section of art in my house) is so refreshing, inspiring... well, it's just good.  Here are two pieces done by two people very near and dear to me, being able to have their work is being able to have little pieces of them.  They poured themselves into a canvas, their emotions, thoughts, creativity, expressions...and gave it to me.  Priceless.

And of course this little jem.  Although right now she is screaming her self to sleep in the next room after waking up (self soothing my foot), there is nothing better than coming home to her after getting off work.  We usually have a couple hours together before daddy comes home where we read, chase, play and goof off, and it's awesome.  No matter what is going on this week, she's unaware, and it's kind of refreshing.  The world could be ending tomorrow and she'd still be happy reading "You are my Cupcake" and squealing with laughter as I am expected to chase her down and "eat her up" at the end of the book.

So, yes, I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.  What a good reminder.  So what good things have you experienced with the Lord today?

Should have Taken Home Ec...what's that stand for anyway?

My husband has taken a terrible part time job to help ends meet.  In doing this I have so much respect for him that he is willing to do whatever it takes (even doing monotonous work in a warehouse with no windows or air conditioning) without complaint.  It brings out this side of me that wants to be super wife and take care of everything else for him on the days he is there.  I try to have the house clean the baby taken care of, things organized... and dinner ready.  Except the dinner part is hard for me.

The hardest part in being a wife/mom/adult in general for me has been the dinner part of it.  I hate cooking.  For several reasons... I find it dull... tedious... messy... exhausting... confusing... frustrating... overwhelming... well... you get the idea.  I think the worst part is cleaning the kitchen, then messing it all up, and having to clean it again!  Or the fact that I usually have NO idea what i'm doing.  Anyway...we rely on WAY too many frozen meals, ready spaghetti, and box meals for me to remotely feel healthy.  So since I'm wanting to be super wife, I decided to try to actually cook every once in awhile.  No big commitment here... just 1 meal every couple weeks to start.  (I know you're wondering what we've been eating up to now...and frankly I have no idea.)

So today Tyler not only had to work at the warehouse, but also mow the yard.  So... I decide, to show my gratitude for my husband, I am going to make a REAL meal!   I decided to make Chicken Parmesan, a dish I have never made before (surprise surprise with all my experience I know!)  I get off work, go to the bank, go home and unload and load the dishwasher, go switch cars with my husband, go pick up Vi, go to the grocery store, get ready to checkout... wait! where's my bank card?!  UGH!  Drive ALL the way BACK to tyler's work to get my bankcard out of the truck, drive ALL the way back to the store to get my groceries.  By the time I get home I realize it's pretty much time for Vi to eat so I have to cook her up something quick (which means yes, I made two dinners).  I go to get started cooking and realize that I do NOT in fact have everything I need... apparently I thought I had olive oil... I did not.  By this time it's near 6 and I haven't even started and so I start freaking out.  Long story short... Tyler got olive oil from the Vaughn's... and dinner turned out amazing.

The moral:  I seriously don't believe making my husband a dinner should be THAT difficult.  It made me want to never tackle a meal again.  Not to mention that reading the directions I was half guessing because I have no idea what half those cooking terms mean... dredge? Throw in a needy 1 year old screaming at my feet and holding onto my legs as I'm trying to figure out the obstacle course that is the food in my kitchen and it was just overwhelming.  I still haven't even cleaned up from tonight!  It was TERRIBLE!  but delicious.

Anyone want to come clean my kitchen?

Tomorrow, we are having mac-n-cheese.

Vi demonstrating how I felt at the end of it all.

Oh moms

The thing is, we all do this "mom" thing differently.   We feed our kids differently, we put them down to nap and bed at different times, we let them watch different things, we let them try different activities, and we view children entirely differently than each other in general.   Being a mom is hard, so although we all do things differently, we are usually all somewhat insecure in how we are doing things.  So therefore if another mom is doing something differently, we criticize their choices and it makes us feel better about how we are parenting.  

Me, the food Nazi mom, let my child have graham cracker *gasp!* ... I know. 

Here's a funny conversation I had with Amanda earlier:

amanda horner

2:37 PM

Who would judge you?

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me

2:37 PM

moms

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amanda horner

2:38 PM

I'd judge you if she was in pagents

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me

2:38 PM

they're the worst

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amanda horner

2:38 PM

otherwise you're good.

Moms are the worst. Seriously.

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me

2:38 PM

alright, fine, i'll enter the parent magazine competition then

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amanda horner

2:38 PM

I don't mean that ironically.

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me

2:38 PM

nor do i... they are each others worst enemies. FACT.

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amanda horner

2:39 PM

FAAAAAAACT

I feel like Christian moms are super terrible.

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me

2:39 PM

how so?

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amanda horner

2:40 PM

Because they judge you for your mothering choices AND as they relate to being a Christian.

You let your child listen to non-christian, non-children music?

You fail at life.

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me

2:40 PM

this is a true observation i think.

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amanda horner

2:41 PM

I'm not talking about real Christians, I'm talking about THOSE christians

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me

2:41 PM

however, the good thing about being a Christian, is you can usually find a good mom support group

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amanda horner

2:41 PM

Music was an easy exmaple, but it's a lot of things...

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me

2:41 PM

while being a non christian mom i think you usually have to fend for yourself, but maybe i'm wrong

Why do we as moms make our lives so much more difficult by being so judgmental of each other?  I'm just as guilty of this.  This week I saw a parent stand there as their 4 year old grunted while hitting their stomach hinting that she wanted to be picked up.  So the mother picked her up.  I was completely appalled.  All day I kept saying, "I don't even let my 1 year old act like that!  She at least says 'up, please' before I pick her up!"  I like to think I'm being better than "those" other moms because I didn't tell the guilty mother my thoughts.  Yet...am I so different if I am SO appalled by another mothers actions?  Why did I get so worked up about it?  The child is a wonderful little girl, who is funny, and smart.   She might be a little whinier than other kids... is that worth completely judging the parent?  Later as I think about that moment, it isn't so much that the mother was all that terrible, I just think I saw it as an opportunity of where I was ... well, better.  MY child will have better manners (and probably a better vocabulary) than HER child.   Makes me feel really ridiculous, but it's an honest admittance.    When my child is acting bad and friends are over, yes I still discipline her and try to teach her how to behave... but I do it with a little bit of guilty excuses like "she's teething, so she's more whiny today" or "she didn't sleep very well"... when really, she's being a toddler, she's testing the waters to see if I'm going to be consistent and in charge or not.   

Some 1 year old attitude because I told her "no", she wasn't tired or teething.  

I feel guilty for excusing and judging... because I HATE when I hear it from other moms towards me.  I HATE hearing about how they wouldn't let their child listen to the Beatles (which then I turn around and judge them right back of course) or how they think a 7 o'clock bedtime is too early or that THEY just pray for their food and don't think it's important to feed them organic.  Then I get all defensive "well, we get up so early" or "I just have a hard time feeding her non organic when I have learned what I have about foods, but I know God is bigger than all that it's just..."  geez, I'm feeling a little defensive as I type this.  
Here's the thing, I know I over think things... so there's a chance maybe moms aren't being judgmental at all, maybe they're just saying they don't do that, and I'm insecure?   But let's be honest, even if one person wasn't being judgmental, the next person is.  
So again... why do we do this to ourselves?  Wouldn't it be awesome if you met someone who did things WAY differently than you did, and your response was "wow, tell me about that" or "I can see you are doing things the best you know how, that's awesome, you're child is loved and cared for"  it seems kind of cheesy, but it'd still be good to hear.   I guess that's my challenge to myself... to be THAT person.  The super cheesy one to encourage other moms.