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| Me, the food Nazi mom, let my child have graham cracker *gasp!* ... I know. |
Here's a funny conversation I had with Amanda earlier:
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Why do we as moms make our lives so much more difficult by being so judgmental of each other? I'm just as guilty of this. This week I saw a parent stand there as their 4 year old grunted while hitting their stomach hinting that she wanted to be picked up. So the mother picked her up. I was completely appalled. All day I kept saying, "I don't even let my 1 year old act like that! She at least says 'up, please' before I pick her up!" I like to think I'm being better than "those" other moms because I didn't tell the guilty mother my thoughts. Yet...am I so different if I am SO appalled by another mothers actions? Why did I get so worked up about it? The child is a wonderful little girl, who is funny, and smart. She might be a little whinier than other kids... is that worth completely judging the parent? Later as I think about that moment, it isn't so much that the mother was all that terrible, I just think I saw it as an opportunity of where I was ... well, better. MY child will have better manners (and probably a better vocabulary) than HER child. Makes me feel really ridiculous, but it's an honest admittance. When my child is acting bad and friends are over, yes I still discipline her and try to teach her how to behave... but I do it with a little bit of guilty excuses like "she's teething, so she's more whiny today" or "she didn't sleep very well"... when really, she's being a toddler, she's testing the waters to see if I'm going to be consistent and in charge or not.
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| Some 1 year old attitude because I told her "no", she wasn't tired or teething. |
I feel guilty for excusing and judging... because I HATE when I hear it from other moms towards me. I HATE hearing about how they wouldn't let their child listen to the Beatles (which then I turn around and judge them right back of course) or how they think a 7 o'clock bedtime is too early or that THEY just pray for their food and don't think it's important to feed them organic. Then I get all defensive "well, we get up so early" or "I just have a hard time feeding her non organic when I have learned what I have about foods, but I know God is bigger than all that it's just..." geez, I'm feeling a little defensive as I type this.
Here's the thing, I know I over think things... so there's a chance maybe moms aren't being judgmental at all, maybe they're just saying they don't do that, and I'm insecure? But let's be honest, even if one person wasn't being judgmental, the next person is.
So again... why do we do this to ourselves? Wouldn't it be awesome if you met someone who did things WAY differently than you did, and your response was "wow, tell me about that" or "I can see you are doing things the best you know how, that's awesome, you're child is loved and cared for" it seems kind of cheesy, but it'd still be good to hear. I guess that's my challenge to myself... to be THAT person. The super cheesy one to encourage other moms.
Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends??
ReplyDeleteOk, song quoting aside, I think you're totally right. Even with the people we truly love we can't help but think "I would do that THIS way...." and I think a majority of the time, it's more of a reassurance to ourselves than it is meant a malice towards someone else. But like you said, in something that is already so difficult, why not take that extra step to encourage one another and remember that just because I don't agree, doesn't mean they're failing. But if you put your kid in a pageant where she dressed like a tiny, adorable prostitute, I won't just judge, I'll take her away. ;)
Of course, there's always the grandma who might feed the grandchild graham crackers at HER house. (That's where Solomon gets his grahams.) :-)
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts, Sasha. Although I have made an effort to be an Encourager of Moms, I've had my judgmental moments, as well. It seems I've become slower to judge as I've gotten older, had more kids, and more opportunities to see some of my best efforts fail from time to time. Yeah, humbling to be sure.
Being the encouraging one isn't cheesy at all if it's sincere. :-) Most of us are so ready to hear a good word, we'll take it and not even consider any motives behind the compliment.
Oh, about the grahams, I guess you could make your own using organic stuff. I have a recipe, but haven't tried it yet. I think it's on my pinterest page. ;-)