Mother of 2

Can I just say... I still can't believe I'm here... a mother of TWO!  I keep wondering when that 'AHA' moment will happen and I will realize I'm a grown-adult (apparently you can act and feel as immature as you want and still carry this title though), married (which really has just been an exciting time of sharing adventures with my best friend), nearing 30 (whoa..) and raising two kids.

When did life hit and I get so old and boring?  Granted, it's not boring, I had no idea what marriage and kids would bring to the table, but there's that 'young person' in me that is stepping back and looking at my life and realizing my life is boringly predictable.  OF COURSE, I am living in a house, taking pictures of my cute kids, updating facebook status's about my kids more often than myself, blogging and living in suburbia... how very... midwestern of me.

Does being half mexican and having mexican looking babies make me a little
more diverse than these suburbians at least?

Do any of you know what I'm talking about here?  Not that my life isn't an amazing blessing, but that it's just surprising to be here? Maybe a 'little' more anti-climatic than I imagined it to be...just a little.   Anyway... onward...

Or backward... back to the whole "a mother of TWO" thought.  I know I am clearly not the first woman to become a mother, much less a mother of two.  These thoughts on this blog are just of my adventures and thoughts and findings as I go along this road that is clearly new to me.  I hope moms who have experienced this adventure continue to encourage, enlighten, and laugh along with me as I share my rambling thoughts.  That being said... having two kids is hard, in fact, more than twice as hard than just having one.  I love my kids, hopefully that's a given, and I'm not just trying to complain here, it's more that as much as I thought I understood and prepared for what I was in for, really... I was clueless.  I know it'll get easier, it's just that adjustment time, but to be honest, I've never been a fan of adjusting.  The other day Zeke was being pretty fussy, he just wants to be held ALL the time.  When Vi was that age, she would be more content if you put her down.  OF COURSE that's how it works... it'd be entirely too convenient for my first born to be cuddly and my second born to be independent.

  Anyway... I had a story- so Zeke was quiet for a long enough moment for me to get Vi down to sleep for her nap...but then once she was asleep, he was quite set on either screaming or being held.  With Vi asleep I had no problem holding him and keeping him happy (and me happy with a quiet, snugly baby) until I realized... I had to poop.  Sure, 'just put him down and let him scream' everyone says.  Listen, if you had to deal with the toddler all afternoon who woke up without an adequate nap because you let the baby scream so you could poop, you would understand the dilemma I faced: "Can I hold it for another hour so she gets enough sleep?".   The answer was no.  Thank God as he screamed in his swing as I went to the bathroom that she didn't wake up, normally she wakes up pretty easily.  Hopefully she's adjusting and learning to sleep harder!  Again... I found myself thinking... I really didn't see these being the tough questions in life I had to face.  Yet here I am, debating whether or not to poop.

ssshhhhh

I love having a boy.  I love having a toddler (believe it or not Tyler and I much prefer the challenges of having a toddler to the baby stage).  I love being a parent and a wife.  But let's be honest here...do I love EVERY moment of it.  Hell to the No.  Yes, I know that this time goes so quickly (I cannot believe how quickly Vi is growing and the little girl she is becoming) and they will grow up in a blink of an eye.  Yes, I know my children are precious, and amazing blessings.  I know, I know!   But don't tell me to enjoy every moment, because to be frank, it's impossible.  I'd pretty much be setting myself up for failure.  I can look back and see the humor in situations, I can love my children if they are both screaming their heads off at the same time (in harmony, let's start a family band!), but reality is, I don't love 'every' moment.  I'm realizing within these last couple of weeks of having two children, that that's ok.  I don't love when Zeke poops all over his clothes, and then pees on his face when I'm changing him - meanwhile Vi has decided to attempt climbing the cedar chest for the first time, succeeds and is about to throw my artisan potter bowl on the floor...nope, didn't love that moment.  Kind of humorous?  Maybe, because she did not in fact break the bowl, but didn't 'love' it.  I know that people tell you these things with good intentions.  Instead,  I have much rather been encouraged by the words you fellow moms have shared about how it gets easier, how I'm not expected to get everything done, how it's ok that I'm forgetting everything because I'm going on no sleep, and NOT telling me that I have to enjoy every single moment.  Thank you.

"Oh, you were going to sleep?  I think it's awake time!"

A special thank you to my mother-n-law, Pam, who took my toddler out for the morning so I could be productive and NOT do laundry, clean house, or catch up on anything but instead write a oh so very important blog.

My Boy

This is just a quick shout out to my amazing midwife Sarah Darby, accompanied of course by pictures of Ezekiel!  I've noticed that every time someone comes to visit us in the hospital, and asks about the whole birth experience, I find myself going on and on with praises about my midwife.

Sarah walked into the birthing room, shortly after I was taken there from the admittance room.  That is point number one on why she is awesome.  She wasn't the midwife on call, but put on my chart that she would be willing to come in, on her day off if she was available, to deliver my baby for me.  As soon as Sarah walked in I felt both a wave of excitement that she made it, and relief that she would be the one catching my baby...again!

Sarah has magic hands.  Weird way to say it I know, but every time Tyler and I describe the birthing process, we seem to bring up how magical Sarah is with her hands.  If I had a contraction coming on, and Tyler tried to touch me at all trying to help, I'd end up shooing his hand away, it just always seemed to make it worse.  However, Sarah would be able to walk up as I had a contraction coming on, put her hands on just the right spot on my hips or back, relieve pain through the contraction, and then just slip away as Tyler helped me and encouraged me in between contractions.  Magic hands.

I very purposefully created a baby birthing music play list on our i pod.  I picked songs that I could rock, sway and relax to during the whole birthing process.  Songs that would encourage me, and keep my spirits up, that I could sing along to...and Sarah is awesome enough to appreciate our music taste.  Such a silly little thing, but music means so much to us, to have her say something like "This is Devotchka right? I remember this when you were delivering Vi." was pretty much a reminder of how cool in all areas our midwife is.

My love language is words of affirmation.  Tyler does amazing at this I will say, especially through labor, but he admitted that she really helped him with knowing how to connect to me both physically and emotionally.  I thrive on being told anything little to "good job" or "you're awesome!".  Tyler and I noticed that I especially respond to Sarah, she speaks this language just right to me through the birthing process.  Just quiet confirmations through the entire ordeal of exactly what I need to hear, without even knowing it.  The perfect balance of strong guidance on what I need to or could do, with confirmations of pushing through and holding onto my endurance.  I'm not a screaming swearer or anything near that when in labor, but there were definitely times I just felt like I wanted to quit, or throw in the towel, or have him 'cut out', that were met with encouragement and absolutely no judgement.

All in all, labor is tough.  No, it's more than tough, it is by far the most difficult, painful, even agonizing experience I have ever gone through.  I don't paint a pretty picture for people of how beautiful birth is or how amazing it is, for some people it may be, for me, it is just a terrible ordeal that ends with the most beautiful, amazing reward of the miracle of a baby at the end.  I cannot imagine going through that process, regardless of the amazing reward, without Sarah.

So, Sarah, that letter I meant to write you...  hopefully you read this and understand and receive what a blessing it has been to have you in our lives, as our midwife, a mentor and our friend.  I thank God for you and pray He showers you with the love and blessing that you have showered us with.

Appreciation and Apologies

Alright folks, if you have been on facebook at all in the last two weeks, you have seen me posting nearly non-stop about the "cute baby contest" that Vi was in.  The last day of the competition was today, and we didn't place.  But not for lack of support from all of you!  I never did find out how many competitors there were, but I know there were hundreds, and we ended up in 5th place with 648 votes! THAT is simply amazing.  By today we had 105 people join the 'baby contest' even that I created who were voting regularly.  TONS of you shared this with all your friends and everyday I saw people who were strangers to me, but friends of friends taking the time to vote for my daughter.   So to all of you who took the time to like Hy-Vee, approve the app, Vote for Vi, share with your friends, and support us in this 'popularity' contest.... THANK YOU!

If I had known the extent of the competition I probably would have started a page, and spreading the word a little earlier to our friends and family who all committed to vote, because I know many of you started voting just these last few days.  I think we at least could have gotten the top 3 if I had realized what I was getting into.

I honestly can't begin to express how much it blew me away the sheer number of you who really committed to this.  We feel extremely loved and thought of that so many of you would take the energy to bother your own friends or advertise on your facebooks for our sake.    It really was such a little thing, but it made us feel extremely loved!

In the end I know we were extremely obnoxious in trying to get votes, and I doubt I will ever do a contest like this again.  I am just so thankful that the process was just something that made us feel loved and thought of.  I was on the Hy-Vee site reading a post they put on their facebook page, and when I started reading through the comments saw the saddest, most pathetic responses from the moms (the true competitors) in the competition.  There was bickering, name-calling, accusations (people signing up on websites to get votes?) disrespect.... what was the cost for winning?  Like I said, I'm just so thankful that for us, the overall experience was feeling blown away by people's thoughtfulness!

So, just to reiterate, I want to make sure everyone knows, I am fully aware of how obnoxious it was to get all these notifications every day, the chance of diapers, wipes and food for a year was definitely worth the effort.  Yet I apologize if it was as annoying as I was trying to be to get your votes.  But more importantly, I want everyone to know how extremely thankful we are for all the votes that you gave us!

She really is the cutest in our book :)

Blah Blah Blah

I like that I decided to call my blog "rantings" of a tomboy mom, in that, it gives me the freedom to indeed rant.  In other words, this may or may not end as an entirely coherent thought, but rather just thoughts rolling out of my pregnant mind today, so they may not make sense at all!

I had an appointment with my midwife today, it was lovely.  We laughed, and talked, and discussed faith and of course, the baby.   In our discussions we talked about her journey in faith, it's a beautiful one, as they all are, and one she has recently shared in a very vulnerable way that left me in tears as I read it.  You can read her story here at her blog:   http://meanderingmidwife.blogspot.com/
We talked about her story a bit more today, and the struggles and joys that come along with new faith.  I left the office today reminded of God's amazing grace and love, yet convicted on how I share and live my own faith for others.  I kept thinking about how I live my life, how I share my 'testimony', how I show love, how do I serve...in short:  Do I live life in such a way that brings glory to God?   It's good to be reminded THAT is the whole point of things isn't it?

On another note from today, I keep getting these emails from my church.  Tyler and I have been attending this church for over a year, and have really enjoyed going, learning and worshiping.   Notice fellowship is not mentioned?  We haven't really gotten involved at all, I couldn't really tell you why.  It's a rather large church, so although we have gone for a year, we haven't met a single person because we are not involved in any of the small groups.  I volunteered in the nursery for two reasons, there was a need, and since I put my child in there, I felt as though I should help,  but also in small hopes to maybe meet people and feel connected.  Which didn't happen.   I'm not saying in any way this is the church's fault, there are many more opportunities to get involved, to join a small group and such, but Tyler and I have chosen to be part of a small group outside of our church where we grow in friendships and in our marriage.  So back to the emails... a couple months ago I sent an email to the lead nursery person to inform them of my upcoming due date and stepping down from volunteering for awhile until the baby is a bit older.  They emailed me back with thanks and congratulations, and then keep scheduling me. I simply hit the 'decline' button, give the reason of "having a baby" and continue on.  Yet I am just on the email list and keep geting scheduled, and receiving emails asking for help when they need it.   At this point I am starting to feel as though 'yes, I know there are a ton of volunteers and I'm just part of a mass email list, but it's starting to feel rubbed in that you never knew I actually existed and I never got to know a single one of you'.  Maybe it's pregnancy hormones, but it's getting annoying.   It's such a little silly thing, but I think it just kind of reminds me of how uninvolved we are... and makes me ponder how much that matters.  Like I said, we have a small group, so we have a community of sorts, and we really like our church.  It's worked well, but there is this 'family' thing of sorts that I grew up with in a church that I am missing.  Is it just something I got used to?  It's the things that come with being involved with a church you know?  I'm not 'asking' for anything here, but I know when I have this baby, no church is going to be bringing me meals, because one church doesn't know I exist, and the small group we are part of, we don't attend that church, those kinds of things.  I have friends and family who are providing lots and I'm not in need of anything... but every once in awhile I kind of miss that community thing.  I think Tyler and I are just going to have to eventually choose one church to be part of AND go to a small group with to be involved, but we really enjoy our set up now.

Next random thought, today I was extremely blessed by my parents as they paid to have someone clean my house for me.  Coming home to clean floors, a clean bathroom and a clean kitchen was a dream come true!  I love having and keeping a clean house, but it was getting very difficult to do anything down low, so seeing those clean bathroom floors and tub was a delight!  It's the little things I guess :)

Also, I can't get over how many people are voting for Vi on this competition thing... more thoughts on that next time I think.  But you all sure know how to make a girl feel loved!