Ezekiel is 2

My hulk baby is now more of a hulk toddler.

This year he has grown so much!  I think from 1-2 is when I notice the most change, it's when I realize I am losing my baby, and gaining a toddler.

He started walking, and some talking, although not enough to impress the doctors.  At his 18 month appointment they asked if he said at least 20 words, nope.   15 words?  nope.  10 words?  Does singing 'Let it Go' count as 3 words?  No?  Then nope.   I haven't been concerned by his lack of talking as I hear it's common with boys, and I know it's inevitable...he's really starting to jabber and repeat words now anyway.

He is daring.

Daring, as in I'm realizing I'm raising a boy kind of daring. As much as I want to be that laid-back mom that lets her child explore, and fall, and get back up without rushing to his aide every time... my heart lurches every time I see him fall and get yet another bruise, or goose egg, or scrape or hole in his lip! Which, because he is daring, seems to be quite often.

He is tough.   When he does get hurt, he does this cry like he's hurt, but he's not that committed to crying about it.   There's been a couple times I've missed the extent of his injury because he wanted to keep playing so I let him, only later to see the giant lump on him.

Right after he got back from the urgent care for biting a hole through his lip.

 
He cracks me up.  He has these expressions that if he were any other kid, he'd probably get in trouble, and I hate to admit that he sometimes gets off a little easy because his expressions kill me.  I promise he is well disciplined when needed, but he definitely misses out a couple lectures when it's too hard for me to scold him because I'm trying too hard not to laugh.

Yet, he's so gentle.  He's my child that all along would snuggle with me, and his squishy snuggles are amazing.  He wakes up slow like his dad and me, and doesn't seem to enjoy it at all, just looks for a lap to snuggle in.  It's one of my favorite times with him, and often I am starting my day late due to an extra minute of this time with him.

 He's a bit rascally, and truth be told, I've always loved rascally little boys.  They're entertaining, charming, keep you on your toes, and are definitely not boring!

Having this boy in my life has been a complete joy.  He's for the most part laid back and easy-going (unless he's in the nursery, but he's getting better at that).  Which is something I can learn more from.  He's joyful, and compassionate, and a huge blessing to our family.  I think we'll keep him around :)

A year in review for Vi turning 4

So here it is, one year has flown by again, and our little Genevieve has decided to go and turn 4 years old.

 Again, as always...whoa!  Why is this going so fast?!

 Tyler and I tried to bargain with her, into turning 3 again, just for one more year...but she wouldn't have it.

 I remember writing last year about how it had become the year of questions...and this year...she still asks a million questions.  The questions are just getting harder to answer.

She has developed a deeper sense to herself, and I am loving watching her make decisions.  Harder decisions than last year, decisions on what kind of person she wants to be.  Choosing to be kind, and selfless when I know it's the harder choice.  

 She has a confidence in herself I love and admire.  She is girly, yet a conqueror and still, as always, an adventurer.

 She has always loved being outside and exploring, and taking her to Colorado this year filled us with joy and left us quite impressed.  This girly princess scaled the side of a mountain and it was STEEP, all while wearing her purple princess dress.

She is tender hearted and has one of the most sensitive spirits I have known.  Sometimes it looks like she is easily frightened, but what I see is a girl who loves what is good, and kind, and doesn't like what is bad or evil.  She doesn't live in fear, but doesn't tolerate watching something that might conflict with her soft spirit...and I love this about her.  

 This year I got to watch her develop her imagination.  She has always been rather literal, but I love watching childrens imaginations at work, and have been so excited to watch this grow this year.

 We wanted her to do soccer... I could see myself as a soccer mom.  She wanted to dance.  We tried soccer, she went, and had fun rolling around, and playing, but not necessarily soccer.  So we let her start dance, and she LOVES it.

She has always been independent, and watching that unfold at her school is great.  She doesn't feel the need to lead, yet at the same time, has no inclination to just be the follower.  She knows what she wants, and is confident in herself.

While I am excited to continue to watch her grow and develop, at the same time, Tyler and I are so proud and blessed by who she already is.  We just want to sit and enjoy this, but as it is, time keeps on ticking by quicker than we want it to.

So to end, we celebrated her birthday a day early and took her to Build a Bear.  Here's a few pictures from today.

Something about 50 Shades and Yoga Pants

Women.... we need some hobbies.  

I mean seriously.

Everytime I get on the Facebook all I see are the latest articles and blogs on yoga pants and 50 Shades and then there's a few recipes here and there.

Not that these things aren't important.   Sure they are, it's important that you have a stance on your morals.  It's important that you guard your heart and your eyes and your spirit.   I'm just not going to tell you how you should do that... I'll leave that to you, your spouses, and more importantly, the Holy Spirit.

But let's find some other things to share ok?   Let's make some mommy play groups, or coffee dates, or learn how to brew a great cup of tea together!

Let's try making new art and sharing the process together.  Let's take our pets for walks, and take stupid pictures of them and make fun of each other for being obsessed with our animals, but only in a loving way of course.   Let's debate about why Zumba is better than cross-fit, because when we care about getting healthy, really it doesn't matter which is best.   Let's put our passionate efforts into causes we all believe in and can obviously stand behind:  against abuse, trafficking, violence...
Let's quit standing on soapboxes with megaphones but claiming 'personal conviction'.

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally a pot or kettle here.  I can't help but share my strong opinions from time to time; I have shared articles about modesty as well as political opinions.  I'm starting to learn...no one has been swayed by this.  Not that I can tell anyway.

Let's have opinions, and encourage others, but let's find some other things to do as well.  Let's build community and spend time DOING THINGS!  

I for one am currently going to go be productive right now.

By productive I mean take a nap.  

Winter: The Presence of Evil

Driving home from church today Tyler made fun of me and our daughter and our "Mexican intolerance of cold".  He then decided to tell Vi that she wasn't cold because she had tights on, but rather because there was no heat.  After making a sarcastic remark about confusing our child anyway he could, I argued his science.  We discussed what was the definition of "cold", from the absence of heat to exact temperatures.  It was a dull, and rather unintelligent conversation (at least on my end), till I finally said "Cold is just the presence of evil!"  To which Tyler replied, "Well, I won't disagree with that one"
 

I detest the cold.  Truly.  I know there's people who argue that heat is unbearable, but that is a foreign concept to me.  I have an incredibly high heat tolerance, and an incredibly low cold tolerance.  I typically start feeling like the outdoors could be avoided below 50...but since I love being outside, and love the sun, I try to not go into hibernation mode until it's below 35.  

Hibernation mode looks something like this:
-Stay in bed until the last possible moment, running late for work everyday to preserve as much warmth from the bed as possible....each second gained may prevent frostbite.
-Put on ALL the clothes.
-Break the law and start the car to warm it up
-Microwave hand warmers so you don't have to touch the cold steering wheel directly. (Even when you start your car, that steering wheel can be cold!)
-Only eat and drink warm things.  In the winter this is usually oatmeal and coffee.  Most days I am dehydrated because water is cold.
-When returning home, put on slippers and sit under blanket on couch until children need attending to
-Taking a bath every night to warm your body to survivable temperatures
-Then transport yourself to the safety of the down comforter on the bed.

Sometimes I try to pretend it's not winter and work-out.  But it's hard work fooling myself.  Also, it's not hard to see why I inevitably gain wait every winter.

I might add, it's a bad idea to get a high energy dog in the winter.   I should have looked into the breeds that understand hibernation mode.

Guess I'll go try to exercise my dog.  Hope I don't get frostbite.

Love and Loss

Many have asked me, how Rover passed and how Charlotte came to be, so I figured I'll just make a blog about it.  Also, the last time someone asked me about it and I thought I was fine, when I told the events that unfolded, I started to cry again, and I'm quite tired of that whole crying process.

The month of November Rover started vomiting.  He has had gastritis a few times in his life, so I tried switching him to bland foods and giving him some Pepcid AC.   After a week of no improvement I took him to the vet where they did bloodwork and an x-ray.   There we saw a  little bit of a shadow beside his stomach, but as I didn't want to pay for an ultrasound, we decided to try a couple medical approaches.  After 3 weeks of continually getting worse, despite a couple of different approaches, it was deducted that the most likely culprit was a tumor of some kind, and with nothing else to do, I had to put him down. Although up to this point in my life, it was by far the most difficult thing I have had to do, the process was surprisingly peaceful.  Getting to cuddle up with Rover one last time and see him have some peace and comfort was really good for me despite being so incredibly painful.

The rest of that week is kind of a loss to me.  I suppose I grieved as most people grieve.  I went about life, taking care of my family, going to work, and crying in between.  Coming home everyday was extremely painful, I hated that I couldn't stop myself from still glancing for Rover.  Every night my chest would tighten and I would feel as though grief was just sitting on me with such weight that it hurt my entire body.

After crying all week, I had The Walk Through Bethlehem to participate in.  During dress rehearsal I got into a conversation with Michelle who opened up about her grieving process when she lost her dog.  She related to the feeling of not wanting another dog for some time, but explained how with a three year old who really wanted one, they went ahead and adopted a new dog.  She then explained how much healing and love that dog brought them in such a way that made me turn to my husband and plead, "I need a puppy!".   In reality I still believed not only could I not love another dog as I did Rover, I was in no way, shape or form in a period of my life that I could handle a puppy.  I wanted to have a meet and greet with a puppy to see how my emotions/heart would be, yet knew in my mind that while working, and having two toddlers, and being involved in other activities, that I didn't have the time or patience to truly train a puppy.

We went to the Great Plains SPCA on a Saturday morning, when it was super busy with lots of families wanting to meet puppies.  We went into the puppy room and my heart lurched when I saw a Rott/Shepherd little boy puppy who was 8 weeks.  I thought I was in trouble, because it was everything I was looking for in an ideal next dog.  With it being so busy, we had to wait to meet the puppy, so Tyler asked a worker if they had any other young dogs not in that puppy room.  The worker responded "well, the puppies are all in the puppy room, but we have Abby who is just 7 months, who is super sweet in this other dog area if you'd like to meet her"   We had time to spare so agreed.  When I saw her my initial response was "Eh, whatever", she was a border collie mix, and looked like Snoopy which didn't give me the best first impression since Snoopy and I love to hate each other.  Also, she was 'too old' in my mind for ideal training and of course, she was a girl, I didn't want a (excuse my language but no other word for what I was thinking) little bitch.

We went into the dog room to wait to meet her since there was no wait for the adult dogs.  As soon as she came in, she ran to me and curled up in my arms just like Rover did the day I met him.  I immediately had to fight back tears as I met this lover girl.  I looked up at Tyler and simply said, "I love her".   While we were in the room, Vi threw herself at the dog and she stood there and let Vi love her.  Zeke screamed while he was playing and she didn't jump, startle or even bat an eye in response.  She didn't jump on my kids, she was attentive, she cuddled, she was playful, she was just lovely the entire time we were there.

When we put her back and were able to meet the puppy I had waited for in the puppy room, I realized what I expected to happen when I met him is exactly what happened.  He peed all over the place, he jumped all over my kids, nipping them and making them scream; pretty much just acted like a puppy.  Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a bad dog at all, just a playful puppy who needed more work than I was equipped to handle at the time.  But boy was he cute, super cute, just not cute enough to make me insane.

Tyler looked at me and I said, he's cute and all, but I fell in love with that other girl.  He was like, "that's good", and went to the bathroom while I got the kids ready to go.  On our drive home I told him that I knew things were tight, and that we had a few more gifts to buy, but just maybe I would make enough with my last Scentsy order that when I got paid we could see if she was there on Monday and I could go adopt her.  Tyler reminded me we weren't planning on getting a dog, but was compassionate as well and said "yeah, we'll see if she's there Monday".

When we got home, Tyler left to head up to the church to set up for The Walk Through Bethlehem and I got the kids set up and tried to get ready to go as well. After about an hour or so, Tyler came in with both my parents, and Abby (soon to be renamed Charlotte)!  I came to find out that when Tyler went to the 'bathroom' he was actually putting a down payment on my girl to bring her home without me knowing it, and my parents had been discussing wanting to get me a dog for Christmas!

She has been so incredibly amazing to have.  She has helped me mourn, heal and love so much.  Apparently we lucked out and she's housebroken, and overall extremely well behaved.  I've had fun getting to focus energy on further training her and working with her.

I have still been grieving Rover, just the other night I think I surprised Tyler when he turned to see me crying in bed.  Rover was my best buddy for 13 years and his presence is still severely missed...but now I can breathe a little better.

On not being Super mom

I think I pretty much have the best kids in the world.  They're beautiful, fun, adventurous and silly.  One is girly, the other...well....I guess the fact that he likes to be punched in the face is 'manly'.    I know that the fact they are mostly well behaved has been a result of Tyler and I's consistent parenting.   

That being said, there are many times that I am not engaging, entertaining, guiding, or correcting my children.  I think in the social media world it can make it look like some people, myself included, are always doing all these awesome projects with our kids, or at least engaged with them.  On Facebook, I share pictures of my kids at the park, painting, going on trips, playing together and with me.   While we do these things, there is OH so much time where my kids are playing independently.  Today I came home from work, cuddled with my son and did a couple 'I Love You' rituals, then played with him and his sister for awhile.   We built with blocks, read books, danced...and then I said "ok, mommy is done", and let them play on their own.  

Z being on his own reading a book.

Why am I even writing about this?  Because almost every mom I know at some point or another feels guilty about how they are mothering.  We think we should be doing more, teaching them more, loving them more...and you know what?  We're doing just fine.   

I want to tell you what I did after I said 'mommy is done'...I sat down and read for a few minutes, then started this blog.   Another trap to get into: feeling like you should ALWAYS be busy.  There are days when I AM always busy, just because there are things to be done: vacuuming, dishes, dusting, laundry, shopping... we have an impressive list that could go on and on.   I don't feel like doing any of that right now though.   I vacuumed, swept, and did dishes yesterday.   Today, I sit.  

V on her own daydreaming while gazing out the window.

I'm not purposefully doing much of anything besides writing this blog and listening to my kids.  I could probably look up lots of blogs about how to discipline, love, guide, teach, engage, encourage, or even how to sleep my children better.  But today, at least in this moment, I am content...dare I say confident... in my mothering.  My kids are safe.  My kids are loved.  My kids are being independent.

So to any moms out there who might be having a day where you aren't feeling so confident, just remember:  your kids are safe, your kids are loved...you're doing a great job.     

Turning 30

So here it is, the day before I'm turning 30!  I feel like 30 is a pretty big milestone... I mean, I know technically it's just another year, but I had so many expectations about turning 30, that are clearly not true.

1 year old me...I do believe I've accomplished a lot more since my first steps...
but that was a pretty big milestone to follow up!

It's not that I have any fear of growing older, or that I think 30 is anywhere near old.  However, I assumed your 20's were for figuring things out, for growing out of things and coming into adulthood.  Well here I am turning 30, and I haven't grown out of much except the clothes I had before I had kids, and anything I might have figured out is minimized by the realization of how much I really don't know.

I told a friend the other day that I thought by the time I was 30 I'd at least grow out of that 'forgetful' and 'clumsy' thing.   I said, "I guess I assumed I'd just magically become more responsible, less forgetful, and more organized", to which she replied that I'm just going to have to figure something else out for that.

Ok, so whatever, I didn't become magically less forgetful or anything.  I have however, gotten married, and had two kids that I've kept alive.   NOW we're talking responsibility! Pound Sign Boom!  

So I've decided rather than focus on all that magically didn't change before I hit the age that I wrongly assumed would make me a responsible, put together adult.  I'm going to focus on what I did learn in my 20's.

-I learned that marriage is about giving and teamwork.   It's not easy but it's it's the most rewarding work I've done yet.  

-I've learned that trusting God (in a lot of cases to provide- but also overall) is an ACTION, not just something that happens because you grew up Christian and know all the right verses.  Yet to be steadfast in that action, knowing the right verses makes all the difference.   I've had to look past circumstances and what I see, and know that God has great and mighty plans for us. 

Sometimes being in love with Ramen isn't so bad...

-Friendships are about a lot more than having fun with someone, and that you have to be purposeful about the types of people you want in your life.  A true friend speaks the hard truth you need to hear, yet shows grace with your faults and loves you past your shortcomings.  A true friendship brings glory to God.  A true friend is someone who you can pour your heart out to when you just need to vent.  A person who shares adventures, and makes you laugh.  There's a lot more I've learned about friendship, but I'm thankful for how Tyler and I have grown and been blessed with the friendships we have in our lives. 

A few of our friends we are blessed with... I found that mostly I have pictures of my kids...I should work on this.

-I've learned (ok maybe made more aware of and am still learning), it's not all about me.  

-I've learned life seems to work in seasons.  We've had seasons of growth, seasons of trials, seasons of peace... and to appreciate and learn in the season I'm in instead of trying to always get to the next one.

-Apparently, I'm not the only one who doesn't have life figured out...no one else really does either! We all have different experiences, and will up till the end... so I don't have to try to try to be this ideal person.  We gain different wisdom and perspectives and they're all valuable. 

-I have strong opinions, and other people have strong opinions as well.  That's ok, I don't have to try to change peoples minds, it's not worth sacrificing relationships or causing hurt.  I was even wrong one time.  

-Sometimes the right decision is not what I want to do...and I try to do it anyway, even when it seems like doing what's right is actually a terrible idea!  It seems to work out in the end.

-Any preconceived notions I had about being a mom flew out the window when I actually became a mom.  

That's all I got for now.  So I'm turning 30, and that's that.   

Actually my kids woke up, and I just gotta go :)