Accidental Racism

So I've come to the conclusion, that I am not as  non racist as I thought I was... I apparently can be quite "racially micro aggressive"- at least according to this buzzfeed link I read.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/racial-microagressions-you-hear-on-a-daily-basis

Now it gave examples of things people have said to these people and called it racial microaggressions which means: "communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults toward people of color"
Now, me being the non racist Mexican that I thought I was, read through this and was surprised how many things I myself have said.  I was also surprised by how many of the examples I had been asked myself; both asking and being asked with no thoughts of anything negative, hostile or insulting.  For instance, I've been asked "what are you?" and I respond, half-mexican, half hick!   I am not insulted, I realize they see I have a dark complexion and are interested in my heritage.  Maybe I misunderstood and should have been getting offended this whole time, but I guess I assumed it was an innocent question.  Also:

No hablo Espanol...lo siento. 

I've been asked this more times than I can count, I also don't see it as a problem.  Being my talkative self, I usually go on to explain that I really wish I spoke Spanish but my mom hasn't spoken it since she was a little girl and wasn't fluent enough to teach me.  Then I was just too lazy once I was in college to pursue becoming fluent in a language I spent 4 years learning... oops.     My favorite is when I was at Walmart, some white lady spoke to me very slowly and loudly while pointing to my daughter "Que bonita senorita! Si?!...Did you understand me?"  I mean, come on...that was just kind of funny.

In fact, I think my entire family says these racial micro-aggressions to each other ALL the time without a second thought.  "How come Nichelle's babies are so white?!"  "Why isn't Beandip's baby more Mexican looking when Brian looks the most Mexican?" (Yeah, and we call him beandip...) "Sasha's kids look more mexican than any of the half mexicans and they're only a quarter!"  

 Apparently this is bad, but then again, my family never has been politically correct.

On the other hand, I have heard a form of this:

Except no one has said this specifically...clearly.  I HAVE gotten, "you're not REALLY Mexican" several times.

For some reason, this always bothers me.  Yes, I AM Mexican.  I know I don't speak Spanish, and I don't listen to polka music (so that's probably racist...sorry), but I'm still Mexican.  I love that part of my heritage, as I love that we are a mixed family and have all sorts of different cultures as our background. That I have family that speaks Spanish, and that I have family that goes back to the early Sooners.  I love that for family Christmas we have all Mexican food with enchiladas, fideo and pork chile made from scratch mixed in with Grandpa's clam chowder (it all works, I promise).  That we got to have Thanksgiving down on the farm in Texas- shooting guns, playing cards and taking hayrides.  It's the diversity that makes being part of my family so great!   Now, I say that... but then when I get around Mexicans who speak Spanish, I somehow feel like a fraud.  I also can't tell you how many times that people have just spoken Spanish to me assuming I'd understand.   Well, I can sometimes...if you speak to me like a 3 year old... those 4 (and a half actually) years of Spanish really paid off!  It's a confusing balance, and doesn't make sense... that I hate when people tell me I'm not really Mexican, but then don't feel Mexican 'enough' in a sense around spanish speaking Mexicans. 

I'm not sure where all this micro aggression racism leads... some of those are truly very insulting.  I will say, racism is something that is ugly and I have experienced the uglier side, but that's not what I am trying to discuss here.  

Yet, some of the other examples given, I think are just people being interested...maybe I am ignorant.  On a lighter note that is on the same subject, this video is hilarious.  

"Girl Problems"

My mother is a very kind, thoughtful lady.  Being the kind, thoughtful lady that she is, she gave me some Mary Kay mineral foundation.  When my make-up order came in, she called me and said "I have your make-up!  You have a brush right?" Um...no.  "Well, you need to go buy a good brush for your new make-up"   Ok!  Got it.  Mom gets me some nice, new make-up, all I have to do is get a brush to apply it.
While making a quick run into Target for a few items with my husband, I decide to pick up a brush real quick.   Well....crap.   I walk to the make-up section and see an entire wall of brushes.    Holy schnikes.  I mean... really... who knew you needed so many tools to cover your face?!

I swear there were WAY more brushes than this. flat brushes, angled brushes, all sorts.   Apparently, no one showed me any charts in my Becoming A Woman 101 class.  Maybe they did, I skipped class a lot.

I had one task, to find a brush to apply my new make-up.  I immediately felt overwhelmed, pulled out my phone and called my mom.   She didn't answer... oh GREAT.   So I call her again... still no answer.  Next on my list?  My sister.   Hahahahahaha!  Juuuust kidding.  I have little faith she'd do any better than me.  So, next in line to my sister would be my cousin Amanda, I have no shame in calling her with any kind of question.  She usually looks pretty put together, working as a professional and all... maybe SHE knows.   No answer.   Come on family!

I found this and it said "proper brush storage", do people really own this many brushes?!

So then I just scroll through my phone for any girls I'm friends with, most recent call? Karlie!  OH yeah! She wears Bare Minerals, I'll bet you anything SHE knows what brush to use!  No answer.  

At this point my husband has picked up everything we needed at Target while shopping with both kids, and I'm STILL standing there staring at the brushes.   Mandy!  I call Mandy, who THANKFULLY answers the phone.  She starts to explain to me the type of brush I'll be looking for, something about dense but not too dense and something or another... to which I rather rudely interrupt and ask, "if I just start reading the brushes to you, can you tell me which one to get?"  Mandy is not rude.  Mandy is nice and patient and told me which one to get.   I like Mandy.

I have a brush in hand!  I wave it around triumphantly and then walk carrying it confidently out in front of me clearly giving the impression to any other women that may be around:  "See this? I am buying a brush... a brush off of that big brush wall and I know what I'm doing.  I'm going to put new make-up on with my new brush that I knew to get"   A few steps further and my phone rings.  "Hi Karlie!  Nevermind, I know what I'm doing, it's all ok".....a few sentences later.... "oh... you HAVE an extra brush I can have?  Thanks!"   So... I put the brush back.   But those ladies that saw me... they know, that I know.  

When did make-up brush collections start putting artist brush collections to shame?
Should our face require as many tools at a work of art?  

By the way... I'm almost thirty... and have no idea what 90% of the things women put on their face even are.  I just started using wash, toner, some kind of serum AND moisturizer.... apparently I should have been on that boat since I was 10 or something.    Where do you women learn these things?  Did I just kind of miss out on the basics being a tomboy?

Preschool Vs. Stay at Home

Recently, I met with another mom who I look up to,  about being a working mom and wife.  I was really feeling the struggle of balance to be the best mom, wife, and employee I could be.  If I felt like I was doing really well at work, I would feel like I was doing terribly as a mom.  Or if I felt like I was doing really well as a mom, and at work, I might feel like I was doing terribly as a wife.  She really encouraged me, reminding me to always seek God's plan and have confidence I am following His plans not others expectations.  As a mom who used to work, but now stays at home, she also told me, the grass is always greener on the other side.  No matter where I am at, I can be praying for God to grow me and strengthen me... in all the various areas of my life.

Loved everywhere he goes.

Is it just in the Christian community that there's a stigma to being a working mom?  Or is that everywhere?  I've looked into mommy type small groups and such at my church, they're all during the day...when I work.  Nothing on weekends, or anything available couple times a month in the evenings.  This isn't the fault of the church, just a trend I see... granted there are also MANY Christian working moms, do they feel the same sense of guilt that I sometimes feel?  People make little side comments to me sometimes when they know I'm a preschool teacher.  "Oh well, I just think it's best if I raise my children instead of a stranger" , "That's too bad those moms work all day instead of raising their own kids", "If they can afford childcare, then they can afford to stay home with their kids", "I just think God designed us to be the caretakers of our families and we aren't supposed to hand that off to someone else"  

  I get what they're saying, I really do sometimes.  But for the most part, this is just ignorant., and more often than not, WAY off base.  Sometimes we have single moms who are the sole providers.  Sometimes we have moms (like myself) who have to work, at least some, to also provide.  Sometimes we have moms, who want the best for their kids, and feel the best way to equip their child for school is to send them for the social, structured, safe environment that we offer.  Anyway about it, I think most moms do what they think is best for their kids/family and there is no one way to do it.

Loves school so much, it motivated her to get potty trained!

I not only love being able to work, but I LOVE my job.   It's not just a job for me, it's the God given opportunity to invest in children's lives, I get to help mold these precious little lives, and help prepare them for the rest of their lives.  It's a pretty weighted responsibility in my mind, with huge rewards.  However, to do this....my child is put in the care of others.   Ironic no?  Yes, we can't really afford for me not to work, yet truth be told, I secretly love the fact that I have to work, because I wouldn't actually want it any other way.   I really have the most ideal situation possible with my working part-time hours four days a week, my oldest child getting to come to work with me and getting the benefits of preschool, and my youngest with two amazing ladies throughout the week.

I've gotten to move past the 'guilty' part, I am confident in what we've chosen, and know that my kids are well loved, taken care of, and are growing in a strong foundation of Christ.

I guess now that I've been encouraged, I also want to encourage other working moms, as well as express how blessed I am that God has given me peace in an area that I didn't have peace before.

Also, any working moms out there want to start a Bible study to meet a couple times a month or something?

Our First House

So we bought a house today, and I am so so so so excited about it!  First, the process of buying the house ended up being a nightmare...I'll leave out all the details, but it was an ordeal!  It was the longest closing my mother/real estate agent has ever had to process, and we went through a roller coaster of hopes of purchasing the house and thinking we weren't going to get it for 2 months!  But today, we finally did!  So the rest of this will probably just be pictures of our new home.

The front of our home, minus the double garage... don't you love the carved Indian??  We were looking for a 3 bedroom ranch, but I liked this house's particular layout of the master bedroom to one side of the living room and the kids rooms to the other.

So this giant front window was truly the selling point of the home for me at least. I LOVE it! The carpets gotta go...oh, and that door is the door to the Master bedroom.  I'm standing at the entrance to the tiny hallway that leads to the kids' rooms.

The front door that leads to the kitchen.

The teeny tiny kitchen/dining room.  I took pictures because Tyler is beginning demo to take it completely apart.

These lights are TERRIBLE, and the asbestos tiles have to go as well. 

The island is a TOTAL waste of space, and the horizontal cupboards  are done very poorly as well as being pretty ugly. 

Last picture of the ugly kitchen.

The master bedroom, I like that there's so many windows, but they have to be replaced.  Also we have to take down the cheapo walls and put up drywall eventually.  I'm standing about where the door is to the half bath in our room. Super tiny, but nice to have our own bathroom space!  Also, all the rooms have ceiling fans, I love that.  Sorry the pic is so dark, took them all from my phone.  

Zeke's room, good sized, great sized closet.

Bathroom between the kids' rooms, small but alright for now, no major work needed, but the shower doors are definitely going to go.

Vi's room, also good sized, hard to show size on a pic...but it's bigger than Zeke's and is next to the sunroom.

Vi's closets!  The doors will come off the one on the left to be her doll house area, the middle will be for all the kids' books and the right will be for clothes and such.  Since we are losing a playroom these closets are great!

Sunroom, entrance from the Master bedroom...kind of weird, but I like the space.  Dislike?  No heating or cooling, but great little area!

Another of the sunroom, with Tyler and Vi.  This room is where her painting easel will live.

Into the backyard from the sunroom, it goes so far back..

...and so far to the left!  I also fell in love with this backyard!  It's HUGE, has a huge storage shed, and awesome trees.  The one to the left is a perfect treehouse tree, can't tell from this angle, but trust me... it's perfect.

Vi enjoyed tumbling and rolling around in front of the large window when checking it out today.
 

This chunky, smiling boy seems pretty happy with our new home too. 

 So that's pretty much it!  We will be staying at my parents while Tyler tears out the kitchen, but will be moving in while it gets remodeled.  So will be kitchen-less for a few weeks, but that's ok.  During this time, I'll probably have a Scentsy party that you are all invited to, and it will be a great chance to come see our home in person!

In the Process

So I haven't been on a computer in a while, just on my phone.  I definitely wasn't going to try to update a blog from my phone.  Why haven't I been on a computer? Well, because mine is in storage.  I am currently living with my parents- more on that in another post.   Although it's never 'ideal' to live with your parents, (especially when you're almost 30, married, and have 2 kids) I am incredibly thankful.   Even though I'm thankful, I am still living in a non child-proofed house with a 2 year old, and have run into a few challenges.

Why am I shut out with these dogs??

I'll just break the screen and use it as a doggy door!

So while doing dishes I hear "uh-oh, I broke it", never a good thing to hear.  She was pushing on my parents screen door and fell through.  But she really enjoyed getting to come and go as she pleased.

The following day I heard her crying and walked outside to find her head stuck in the rails.  I couldn't help but laugh, bad mom.  It wasn't too tight just had to get her head at a particular angle and squish her ears a bit, and she was free!  Her ears were only red for a little while, but still kind of wished I would have taken a pic from the other side, even if that meant leaving her stuck a little while longer.

Vi has LOVED staying with Boomer.  They're great pals.  This game is, "I'll shove the empty canister on your face while you lick it, then I'll put it on MY head!"  She definitely got a bath that night. 

She also picked all the leaves off of a branch of my dad's beloved Jade plant...he was not amused.  Oops.

This guy however, hasn't gotten into anything.  Still stays up till midnight almost every night, but minus having to make sure the giant beast (Boomer) doesn't step on him, he's flowed with the new environment like a champ.

I'm not particularly enjoying updating from my husband's laptop as it is different and all the pics are from my phone.  So that will be it for today, but another post very soon!!

My addiction and other Rantings

Let's face it, we all have addictions.  Whether we own up to them or not, they're there.  Which is why we should all be so much more compassionate towards other people and their addictions.  However, this is not going to be about other people, or how we should treat them.  Nope, I'm just going to address the addictions I deal with.
I looked up "addict" and found : "to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively"
I actually have a few addictions, some I will admit to, and some I will not (not here at least!)- I am addicted to coffee, I am addicted to owning pets (thankfully we've worked on this addiction and am now down to 2 pets instead of 6  haha!)

 I am addicted to Facebook (that's a pathetic one, but no judging remember?!)  I am addicted to Ruzzle (there should be a Ruzzles support group, cause I know I'm not the only one)... and... I am addicted to throwing things away.
This is the addiction I will be focusing in on today.   I LOVE throwing things away... I could very easily see myself becoming a minimalist, not because I admire the lifestyle or anything ethical...but because I think it'd be great to just go through and throw everything away.  We are getting ready to move for the second time in my marriage, and my inclination, my very core actually screams "THROW AWAY ALL THE THINGS!!!"  Not because of stress of packing, or sorting through things, but because it just FEELS SO DANG GOOD.  It's like eating chocolate. MMmmmmm...chocolate...  speaking of addictions.
Last time we moved I had a blast working on 'packing' while Tyler would be at work... "what's this? TRASH!"... "and this? TRASH!" Most of the stuff I tried to reason with myself, use sense and not throw things away that we actually need, or use...but I just got carried away.  There may or may not have been a few times after the move that Tyler would ask..."whatever happened to such and such?"  Oh... I didn't realize you actually wanted that...oops.
The day I comprehended that I had a problem is when after another fun cleaning splurge (throwing away any papers I could find), I realized I may or may not have thrown away our daughters birth certificate...and social security card.   I guess sorting and organizing papers might actually be appropriate sometimes.
So this time around, I'm trying exceedingly hard to resist the temptation to throw as much as I can away.   However, this did not stop me from reacting to "big trash item pick-up" day like it was a holiday.  One of my favorite days of the year.

*Disclaimer: I am not trying to take away from the seriousness and harmfulness of some addictions and am fully aware a lot of my addictions are truly just bad habits*
In other news, I've decided one of the 'must-have' items for a new mom is a coffee mug to keep her coffee hot for hours on end.  It's amazing how long it takes me to drink my beloved cup of coffee.  I think about it all morning long, but I'm nursing, or changing diapers, or sitting with a toddler in the bathroom and such.
Here's another thing.... I love how moms can encourage one another.  We can relate to each other, and share how to get through the tough times.  But very few of you can relate to the difficulties of not only breastfeeding, but breastfeeding with absurdly out of proportion boobs.    But more than likely, when I talk about how much of my day is spent having to sit down and breastfeed, you do not understand how inconvenient this is, as I am adjusting my nipple shield, using a hand to try to keep my child from suffocating to death, and trying to fit him in place in the 'football hold' as he gets longer and longer and begins to not fit.   Because I know there may or may not be a male who stumbles upon my blog, and could be reading out of complete boredom, I will not go into much more detail on this.
Insert some clever closing thought here.

Pull Yourself Together!

So most anyone who knows me, knows I am, like most females, rather emotional.  However, I hate 'sad' emotions.  When people cry, or are sad, I either don't know what to say, avoid them, act really awkward, or try to (if it's appropriate) cheer them up.  I especially enjoy trying to cheer people up. If I'm upset, or my feelings are hurt... 90% of the time I instead show anger... which is not conducive to most relationships.   I show lots of joy, anger, frustration, silliness, sarcasm... I display a full array of emotions, but boy oh boy, do I hate crying.  I know that most people do.. but I've somehow really trained myself to avoid crying for the most part.  I'm not pregnant anymore, so I feel like I should be done with any kind of crying.

"Oh no!" She has no problem showing her emotions, almost started crying because of paint on her knee!

These kids however, might do me in with that.  These little humans, who are cute as heck, yet can be annoying as all get out with their crying, and needing me, and whining, and potty training (or lack there of...) but it doesn't matter if they can be annoying, I just love them so dang much that I can get all emotional. Dang kids sneaking in and pulling that one on me.

So Calista shared this today, and it was great.  I have to admit I almost quit watching it the second it seemed to get "emotional" but I'm glad I did.  There's been those couple of times I stood on the other side of a door, shed a couple tears, pulled up my sleeves, opened the door to go back in to the screaming child.

                                         

  Alright folks, that as much as you're going to get for me admitting my rather emotional side. Don't expect this to lead to me wanting to cry around you or admit my emotions much in person, because I'm still far from that!

Mother of 2

Can I just say... I still can't believe I'm here... a mother of TWO!  I keep wondering when that 'AHA' moment will happen and I will realize I'm a grown-adult (apparently you can act and feel as immature as you want and still carry this title though), married (which really has just been an exciting time of sharing adventures with my best friend), nearing 30 (whoa..) and raising two kids.

When did life hit and I get so old and boring?  Granted, it's not boring, I had no idea what marriage and kids would bring to the table, but there's that 'young person' in me that is stepping back and looking at my life and realizing my life is boringly predictable.  OF COURSE, I am living in a house, taking pictures of my cute kids, updating facebook status's about my kids more often than myself, blogging and living in suburbia... how very... midwestern of me.

Does being half mexican and having mexican looking babies make me a little
more diverse than these suburbians at least?

Do any of you know what I'm talking about here?  Not that my life isn't an amazing blessing, but that it's just surprising to be here? Maybe a 'little' more anti-climatic than I imagined it to be...just a little.   Anyway... onward...

Or backward... back to the whole "a mother of TWO" thought.  I know I am clearly not the first woman to become a mother, much less a mother of two.  These thoughts on this blog are just of my adventures and thoughts and findings as I go along this road that is clearly new to me.  I hope moms who have experienced this adventure continue to encourage, enlighten, and laugh along with me as I share my rambling thoughts.  That being said... having two kids is hard, in fact, more than twice as hard than just having one.  I love my kids, hopefully that's a given, and I'm not just trying to complain here, it's more that as much as I thought I understood and prepared for what I was in for, really... I was clueless.  I know it'll get easier, it's just that adjustment time, but to be honest, I've never been a fan of adjusting.  The other day Zeke was being pretty fussy, he just wants to be held ALL the time.  When Vi was that age, she would be more content if you put her down.  OF COURSE that's how it works... it'd be entirely too convenient for my first born to be cuddly and my second born to be independent.

  Anyway... I had a story- so Zeke was quiet for a long enough moment for me to get Vi down to sleep for her nap...but then once she was asleep, he was quite set on either screaming or being held.  With Vi asleep I had no problem holding him and keeping him happy (and me happy with a quiet, snugly baby) until I realized... I had to poop.  Sure, 'just put him down and let him scream' everyone says.  Listen, if you had to deal with the toddler all afternoon who woke up without an adequate nap because you let the baby scream so you could poop, you would understand the dilemma I faced: "Can I hold it for another hour so she gets enough sleep?".   The answer was no.  Thank God as he screamed in his swing as I went to the bathroom that she didn't wake up, normally she wakes up pretty easily.  Hopefully she's adjusting and learning to sleep harder!  Again... I found myself thinking... I really didn't see these being the tough questions in life I had to face.  Yet here I am, debating whether or not to poop.

ssshhhhh

I love having a boy.  I love having a toddler (believe it or not Tyler and I much prefer the challenges of having a toddler to the baby stage).  I love being a parent and a wife.  But let's be honest here...do I love EVERY moment of it.  Hell to the No.  Yes, I know that this time goes so quickly (I cannot believe how quickly Vi is growing and the little girl she is becoming) and they will grow up in a blink of an eye.  Yes, I know my children are precious, and amazing blessings.  I know, I know!   But don't tell me to enjoy every moment, because to be frank, it's impossible.  I'd pretty much be setting myself up for failure.  I can look back and see the humor in situations, I can love my children if they are both screaming their heads off at the same time (in harmony, let's start a family band!), but reality is, I don't love 'every' moment.  I'm realizing within these last couple of weeks of having two children, that that's ok.  I don't love when Zeke poops all over his clothes, and then pees on his face when I'm changing him - meanwhile Vi has decided to attempt climbing the cedar chest for the first time, succeeds and is about to throw my artisan potter bowl on the floor...nope, didn't love that moment.  Kind of humorous?  Maybe, because she did not in fact break the bowl, but didn't 'love' it.  I know that people tell you these things with good intentions.  Instead,  I have much rather been encouraged by the words you fellow moms have shared about how it gets easier, how I'm not expected to get everything done, how it's ok that I'm forgetting everything because I'm going on no sleep, and NOT telling me that I have to enjoy every single moment.  Thank you.

"Oh, you were going to sleep?  I think it's awake time!"

A special thank you to my mother-n-law, Pam, who took my toddler out for the morning so I could be productive and NOT do laundry, clean house, or catch up on anything but instead write a oh so very important blog.

My Boy

This is just a quick shout out to my amazing midwife Sarah Darby, accompanied of course by pictures of Ezekiel!  I've noticed that every time someone comes to visit us in the hospital, and asks about the whole birth experience, I find myself going on and on with praises about my midwife.

Sarah walked into the birthing room, shortly after I was taken there from the admittance room.  That is point number one on why she is awesome.  She wasn't the midwife on call, but put on my chart that she would be willing to come in, on her day off if she was available, to deliver my baby for me.  As soon as Sarah walked in I felt both a wave of excitement that she made it, and relief that she would be the one catching my baby...again!

Sarah has magic hands.  Weird way to say it I know, but every time Tyler and I describe the birthing process, we seem to bring up how magical Sarah is with her hands.  If I had a contraction coming on, and Tyler tried to touch me at all trying to help, I'd end up shooing his hand away, it just always seemed to make it worse.  However, Sarah would be able to walk up as I had a contraction coming on, put her hands on just the right spot on my hips or back, relieve pain through the contraction, and then just slip away as Tyler helped me and encouraged me in between contractions.  Magic hands.

I very purposefully created a baby birthing music play list on our i pod.  I picked songs that I could rock, sway and relax to during the whole birthing process.  Songs that would encourage me, and keep my spirits up, that I could sing along to...and Sarah is awesome enough to appreciate our music taste.  Such a silly little thing, but music means so much to us, to have her say something like "This is Devotchka right? I remember this when you were delivering Vi." was pretty much a reminder of how cool in all areas our midwife is.

My love language is words of affirmation.  Tyler does amazing at this I will say, especially through labor, but he admitted that she really helped him with knowing how to connect to me both physically and emotionally.  I thrive on being told anything little to "good job" or "you're awesome!".  Tyler and I noticed that I especially respond to Sarah, she speaks this language just right to me through the birthing process.  Just quiet confirmations through the entire ordeal of exactly what I need to hear, without even knowing it.  The perfect balance of strong guidance on what I need to or could do, with confirmations of pushing through and holding onto my endurance.  I'm not a screaming swearer or anything near that when in labor, but there were definitely times I just felt like I wanted to quit, or throw in the towel, or have him 'cut out', that were met with encouragement and absolutely no judgement.

All in all, labor is tough.  No, it's more than tough, it is by far the most difficult, painful, even agonizing experience I have ever gone through.  I don't paint a pretty picture for people of how beautiful birth is or how amazing it is, for some people it may be, for me, it is just a terrible ordeal that ends with the most beautiful, amazing reward of the miracle of a baby at the end.  I cannot imagine going through that process, regardless of the amazing reward, without Sarah.

So, Sarah, that letter I meant to write you...  hopefully you read this and understand and receive what a blessing it has been to have you in our lives, as our midwife, a mentor and our friend.  I thank God for you and pray He showers you with the love and blessing that you have showered us with.

Appreciation and Apologies

Alright folks, if you have been on facebook at all in the last two weeks, you have seen me posting nearly non-stop about the "cute baby contest" that Vi was in.  The last day of the competition was today, and we didn't place.  But not for lack of support from all of you!  I never did find out how many competitors there were, but I know there were hundreds, and we ended up in 5th place with 648 votes! THAT is simply amazing.  By today we had 105 people join the 'baby contest' even that I created who were voting regularly.  TONS of you shared this with all your friends and everyday I saw people who were strangers to me, but friends of friends taking the time to vote for my daughter.   So to all of you who took the time to like Hy-Vee, approve the app, Vote for Vi, share with your friends, and support us in this 'popularity' contest.... THANK YOU!

If I had known the extent of the competition I probably would have started a page, and spreading the word a little earlier to our friends and family who all committed to vote, because I know many of you started voting just these last few days.  I think we at least could have gotten the top 3 if I had realized what I was getting into.

I honestly can't begin to express how much it blew me away the sheer number of you who really committed to this.  We feel extremely loved and thought of that so many of you would take the energy to bother your own friends or advertise on your facebooks for our sake.    It really was such a little thing, but it made us feel extremely loved!

In the end I know we were extremely obnoxious in trying to get votes, and I doubt I will ever do a contest like this again.  I am just so thankful that the process was just something that made us feel loved and thought of.  I was on the Hy-Vee site reading a post they put on their facebook page, and when I started reading through the comments saw the saddest, most pathetic responses from the moms (the true competitors) in the competition.  There was bickering, name-calling, accusations (people signing up on websites to get votes?) disrespect.... what was the cost for winning?  Like I said, I'm just so thankful that for us, the overall experience was feeling blown away by people's thoughtfulness!

So, just to reiterate, I want to make sure everyone knows, I am fully aware of how obnoxious it was to get all these notifications every day, the chance of diapers, wipes and food for a year was definitely worth the effort.  Yet I apologize if it was as annoying as I was trying to be to get your votes.  But more importantly, I want everyone to know how extremely thankful we are for all the votes that you gave us!

She really is the cutest in our book :)

Blah Blah Blah

I like that I decided to call my blog "rantings" of a tomboy mom, in that, it gives me the freedom to indeed rant.  In other words, this may or may not end as an entirely coherent thought, but rather just thoughts rolling out of my pregnant mind today, so they may not make sense at all!

I had an appointment with my midwife today, it was lovely.  We laughed, and talked, and discussed faith and of course, the baby.   In our discussions we talked about her journey in faith, it's a beautiful one, as they all are, and one she has recently shared in a very vulnerable way that left me in tears as I read it.  You can read her story here at her blog:   http://meanderingmidwife.blogspot.com/
We talked about her story a bit more today, and the struggles and joys that come along with new faith.  I left the office today reminded of God's amazing grace and love, yet convicted on how I share and live my own faith for others.  I kept thinking about how I live my life, how I share my 'testimony', how I show love, how do I serve...in short:  Do I live life in such a way that brings glory to God?   It's good to be reminded THAT is the whole point of things isn't it?

On another note from today, I keep getting these emails from my church.  Tyler and I have been attending this church for over a year, and have really enjoyed going, learning and worshiping.   Notice fellowship is not mentioned?  We haven't really gotten involved at all, I couldn't really tell you why.  It's a rather large church, so although we have gone for a year, we haven't met a single person because we are not involved in any of the small groups.  I volunteered in the nursery for two reasons, there was a need, and since I put my child in there, I felt as though I should help,  but also in small hopes to maybe meet people and feel connected.  Which didn't happen.   I'm not saying in any way this is the church's fault, there are many more opportunities to get involved, to join a small group and such, but Tyler and I have chosen to be part of a small group outside of our church where we grow in friendships and in our marriage.  So back to the emails... a couple months ago I sent an email to the lead nursery person to inform them of my upcoming due date and stepping down from volunteering for awhile until the baby is a bit older.  They emailed me back with thanks and congratulations, and then keep scheduling me. I simply hit the 'decline' button, give the reason of "having a baby" and continue on.  Yet I am just on the email list and keep geting scheduled, and receiving emails asking for help when they need it.   At this point I am starting to feel as though 'yes, I know there are a ton of volunteers and I'm just part of a mass email list, but it's starting to feel rubbed in that you never knew I actually existed and I never got to know a single one of you'.  Maybe it's pregnancy hormones, but it's getting annoying.   It's such a little silly thing, but I think it just kind of reminds me of how uninvolved we are... and makes me ponder how much that matters.  Like I said, we have a small group, so we have a community of sorts, and we really like our church.  It's worked well, but there is this 'family' thing of sorts that I grew up with in a church that I am missing.  Is it just something I got used to?  It's the things that come with being involved with a church you know?  I'm not 'asking' for anything here, but I know when I have this baby, no church is going to be bringing me meals, because one church doesn't know I exist, and the small group we are part of, we don't attend that church, those kinds of things.  I have friends and family who are providing lots and I'm not in need of anything... but every once in awhile I kind of miss that community thing.  I think Tyler and I are just going to have to eventually choose one church to be part of AND go to a small group with to be involved, but we really enjoy our set up now.

Next random thought, today I was extremely blessed by my parents as they paid to have someone clean my house for me.  Coming home to clean floors, a clean bathroom and a clean kitchen was a dream come true!  I love having and keeping a clean house, but it was getting very difficult to do anything down low, so seeing those clean bathroom floors and tub was a delight!  It's the little things I guess :)

Also, I can't get over how many people are voting for Vi on this competition thing... more thoughts on that next time I think.  But you all sure know how to make a girl feel loved!

Vi turning 2

Last year I did this about a week early, and decided a week early was good timing.

1 month after turning 1... I remember thinking how big she was here.

In less than a week, I'm going to have a 2 year old.  Whoa.

Didn't she just turn 1?  Then again... it seems like ages ago. Within this year we learned to walk, we survived the poison ivy from hell, she learned to feed herself, speak in complete sentences, climb, run, jump, sing whole songs, count, our ABC's, the importance of knuckles, to adjust to a big girl bed, so many more, and just overall make her own decisions.

Now having a 1 year old has been LOTS of fun, her personality bloomed, her independence bloomed, her humor bloomed, her attitude bloomed.

our humor/personality blooming

our independence blooming

our attitude blooming

Every day she makes us laugh.  She is a delight, even when she has days where she is not being very delightful... I still delight in her. I feel that having a child has made me understand the love of my heavenly Father so much more.  

With a baby you just give, and feed, and watch, and comfort, and love... with a 1 year old started the real process of discipline.   Not just a "no, no baby, that's not safe"  but more of  "you WILL get spanked if you do 'such and such' again".  More time outs, more crying, more sass... watching my child test, learn, mature, grow, understand, learn some more... and learn some more again.  The year was more a of a challenge, and more of a reward. 

I love that she has her own opinions, I love that she cracks herself up, I love her tender spirit, I love that she has become more cuddly, I love that she plays tricks...overall I love the little girl she is growing into.  She's officially coming out of the baby stage into the toddler stage.  I cannot believe how much she has changed and grown.  Somehow, with even more excitement, I look forward to this next year of having a TWO year old. 

She's going to be the best big sister :)